Is this the easiest or the hardest of subjects.
There is the old adage that you can choose your friends and not your family which is so true. However, at real times of need, at critical points in your life who more than often come to the rescue?
I know I have been there on far too many occasions when the family expectations, unwritten rules and pure stubbornness get in the way of true discussion, all past histories are dragged up and the smallest of disagreements, arguments are blown out of proportion with a lifetime’s frustrations exacerbating it.
I have many regrets and family is one. I promote, relish, live for and thrive on family bonds, ethos and connections. However throughout my life I have ended up fighting these to extreme length because of the expectations, restriction and ego that come involved. The unsaid words the hidden agendas, cause the most painful of situations and we say time heals. How much time, how many days, weeks, months even years are spent in exile, hopeful anticipation of a call a word a sorry. The longer this time goes the longer it never happens then it’s almost a non obtainable solution.
Family should be the ones we can talk to about ANYTHING, should be the state in which all open hearts can be heard, should be the unwritten rule of lifetime support, this I believe with all my heart.
However through pure ignorance, arrogance, egos I have spent more time away from family than with, huge regret.
I know so many people in the same boat, so many people alone, wanting, struggling to come to terms with such a cutting loss, but it takes 2 sides. 2 sides of a disagreement, expectation, argument to not move a millimetre and the levels of loss over years is astounding.
At this time of year over Christmas, new beginnings, new goals, new happenings I know I wish that these barriers could be lowered forgotten excused, for the greater good of family bonding.
Everyone has their own Map, especially within a family, we all absorb different qualities from the same parents, and they received their patterns from theirs. A parent can only operate under the tools they have learnt, and only when looking back at their own journeys can you appreciate how they have been framed, but how many of us take that time. How many of us try to appreciate the angle or reason for the parents objections, argument, as we can only see through our eyes.
Its hard I know to take that stand and pause that millisecond to review and evaluate an escalating situation and if we did we could alleviate so many unnecessary needless situations.
Friends on the other hand come and go, they serve us at a specific time and then our paths divert, morals, goals, journeys change, however as they are people we have come across we can easily let them go, miss them yes, thank them definitely however there are no blood bonds that connect for life. That’s where the pain threshold cuts deep.
The journey of life without the family bonds is so so difficult, these splits but deep and no matter how we move on they are never far from our thoughts. This is not just from a child’s perspective but from a parents one too. We try so hard as parents as I said before with the tools we have at the time, the pressures to try and make everything perfect, to be the best we can be, however it’s a learning journey for parents too, no one teaches you these things, there is no manual, its trial and error, and the degrees of success and failure can be catastrophic. We want the best we aim for the best, to be the best but what is that, our expectations or the child’s needs. Communication is the key as I have stated, taking the time to listen BOTH ways, taking the time to honour each others wishes and compromise on the solutions with unyielding support. That way we take the journey together the highs and the lows, only bringing that bond closer.
In summary, think, listen, talk, communicate, discuss all options from each other’s perspectives and hopefully you will arrive at an elected plan to move forward as one, because at the end of the day families are ONE.
